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How does one best respond to the statement, “I have a ‘mental illness’.”

Does your ‘mental illness’ have a name?

You do? Where?

I’ve never seen a ‘mental illness’ before. If you show me your ‘mental illness’, I will show you my ______.

(Sarcastically) Whoopee.

Is that so? It doesn’t show.

Oh. I had one of those, but I’m afraid I must have misplaced mine.

How can you tell?

Why don’t you just go and park it someplace else?

Where can I get a ‘mental illness’?

I assume your ‘mental illness’ is wanted, in which case, great; otherwise, that’s too bad.

Get well soon.

Is your ‘mental illness’ good at poker?

I always wanted to know that.

Without a doubt!

Well, take it someplace else. We don’t want it.

Economy size or gargantuan?

Shhh. You wouldn’t want the others to find out.

Are you sure?

Who told you that?

I had an invisible friend once.